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So why am I here?  Not a great opening line I know.

How is this one???   I woke up this morning to find I was finally going to speak the truth.  I hate where my life is going and half of it is already gone.

Nah sounds like I am complaining and in truth complaining is something  I have no room for but as with everything they say for instance humor always has a kernel of truth to it.  Even our petty frustrations have to have some basis in reality.

The truth of the matter is that as a radio talk show host would always answer when asked how he was doing.  I am better than most not as good as some.  With 7 billion people wandering around and of that millions and millions living on less than a dollar a day that is pretty much the answer anyone in the U.S. for the most part could provide.

If you break it down you have

Best, Worst, Better than most not as good as some,  Better than some not as good as most.  I have to admit it is a fairly simple and accurate way of categorizing things and despite this I still complain.  Why?

Well primarily it is because I am so tired of pretending .  I don’t think it is uncommon  to see people pretending every day and for good reasons.  Medical, dental, family benefits, income, and supporting a family are all important means to an end.

End.  That is really the focus though.  I am just now 43 and though mortality isn’t staring me in the face despite being overweight and not exactly living the epitomy of what one would call a healthy lifestyle.  I wonder what on earth am I doing here?  Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think of myself as special and I imagine there are a ton of people like me who feel this way.  How do I get out?  How do I make a difference?

As for me many people tell me I make a difference and it still doesn’t seem to fill what seems to be an unfillable void of wanting to experience life, culture, the world and everything it has to offer while also being able to help my fellow man. 

I have a lot of friends who on the surface appear to be quite happy and fulfilled but I have to wonder if a large portion of that comes from faith in God.  I go to Church and I see a lot of people who try their best to be happy and content.  Personally that is something that is challenging for me but in the end it is a healthy way to live.  Be content, live simply and don’t let the grind of daily living consume you. 

Easier said than done.  It is our human nature to want and need.  In most cases it leads to our detriment I’d say.  I guess I am just rambling here but isn’t that what a blog is for?  Hopefully I can be more than written diarrhea for the masses.  We shall see…